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Chapter 85: Uh oh

The warmth of Lilla’s body pressed against his side and back. She hadn’t made a single noise beyond gentle breath since he’d arrived. The only thing that accompanied him in the darkness other than her presence were his own thoughts.

Those, however, felt like they would never end. The last time Arwin had been in Lillia’s room, she’d been awake beside him. Knowing that she was present had been enough to keep his mind from drifting too far.

But now Lillia slept. Even though she was beside him, there was nothing to keep him focused on the present. Visions flew unbidden past his eyes and played out in the darkness beyond sight.

They meshed together into a chaotic tapestry. The canvas of broken battlefields, painted red with the brush of the dead and dying – the Brothers Six, reduced to one – the last fight with Lillia, where the men and women that had fought by his side died nameless and faceless.

Over and over, the visions came. Memories that had been buried since his late teens and scenes from just days ago came as one. They flitted and danced past his mind before he could properly grasp them. There seemed to be no sense to their order or purpose to their arrival, but they always seemed to end with Lillia. Arwin shoved them back and tried to turn his mind to other directions. But still, she lingered on in his thoughts.

It was ironic. The Adventurer’s Guild would have likely achieved their goals if he and Lillia hadn’t both managed to arrive at Milten. Without Reya, Arwin suspected he would have died.

Lillia would have been unlikely to find anyone to get food from her tavern and would have met a similar fate. And, even if they’d both survived the initial days, neither of them ever would have had proof of the Guild’s actions.

I’d likely have returned to them at some point in the future to determine what had happened. There would have been no proof that the conspiracy ran so deep that the entire guild was a sham.

I still don’t know what caused that explosion. I don’t know what Sunset is or how I got it, and I don’t know how Lillia and I both managed to end up at Milten. That’s too much of a coincidence for me believe it to be one.

I wonder… is it possible that Sunset or the gem was a coverup? A way for someone working against the guilds to get us into a new environment while revealing that the guild was manipulating us?

If that’s true, there’s no way to verify it unless I manage to find a way to trace Sunset or get a lead on that black gem. Problems for when I’m strong enough to deal with them.

Arwin squinted into the darkness. It was pointless. There was no amount of adjusting that normal human eyes could do to see in the pitch black that surrounded him. He hadn’t seen or felt the imp since it had brought him here. Part of him wondered if it was just standing in the darkness and staring at him with its wide, watery eyes and glistening fangs. The bigger part just didn’t care.

Lillia stirred before Arwin’s thoughts could carry him onto their next wave. The pattern of her breathing changed over the course of a few seconds, but she didn’t fully shift from her spot.

“Arwin? How long were you here?” Lillia’s voice was a muted whisper that carved through the pitch black, notes of drowsiness mixing with confusion upon her words.

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“I’m not sure,” Arwin admitted honestly. “You were troubled. One of your imps brought me.”

“They did?” Lillia asked. The weariness pulled back from her tone and Arwin felt her move beside him. He couldn’t tell what she was doing, but based on her tone, he suspected she was probably wiping her eyes or covering a yawn. “Did… you hear anything?”

“Names,” Arwin replied. “But not ones that meant anything to me. I suspect the same is not true to you.”

“I think it was nightmares. They’ve already started to fade. I can barely remember what they were about,” Lillia said. She made no move to rise from her spot, and Arwin left his arm where it was. “It’s been some time since I last had one. I’d thought I was over it.”

“I’m not sure over it is ever a set of words that will be used to describe us,” Arwin said with a quiet laugh. “Come to peace, perhaps. But over it? Never.”

“Is that what you’ve done? Come to peace?”

Arwin considered Lillia’s question for a second. He wasn’t so sure he knew the answer. The past couldn’t be changed no matter how much he wanted to change it. No matter how much he wanted to set it alight, the flames would only burn the future.

“I’m getting there,” Arwin said. “Are you still feeling up to enter the dungeon today? We all need to be at our best if we’re going to be fighting.”

Lillia remained silent. Any answer given quickly to a question such as that was liable to be impulsive, and she was too experienced to make a mistake like that. Several seconds passed before she moved to sit up. She leaned against him as she rose, keeping her side pressed against his for support.

“I’ll be fine,” Lillia said. “Somehow, I think I actually got a pretty decent night of rest. I don’t feel nearly as tired as I think I should. I figure you’re to thank for that.” Her voice trailed away for a second. Before Arwin could say anything, she spoke again. “Just so you know, that’s more than a little embarrassing to admit.”

“Even if you were doing your best tomato impression, it’s not like I’d be able to see. I wouldn’t have known if you didn’t tell me.”

“I know. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I had to suffer to say that.”

Arwin let out a snort of laughter before he could stop himself. “In that case, I guess I have to thank you for your sacrifice.”

“Exactly.” Arwin felt her nod. “As you should.”

They didn’t speak again for a few seconds, but it wasn’t for a lack of want. There were a lot of things that Arwin wanted to say. None of them seemed able to manifest themselves beyond a flitting thought that died before it could reach his lips.

“Arwin?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to lose anyone else.” Lillia swallowed and her shoulders stiffened as she forced the next sentence through her lips, spitting the words out before they could find anywhere to hide. “I’m scared. I was so resigned to trading everything for living. I didn’t have anything else left to give, so I had nothing to fear. Then things changed. There’s so much I care about now, and I don’t want to lose any more of it.”

Arwin wished he had something to say that was more than just mere words. He wished he’d been gifted with a silver tongue or blessed by a stroke of inspiration that would let him comfort Lillia.

There wasn’t a single thing that he could say that would properly encapsulate his own feelings. No combination of words, no matter how well spoken, felt like it could ever even come close to even scratching the surface. His arm drifted up of its own accord and wrapped around Lillia’s shoulders. She leaned against his chest and he pulled her into an embrace.

“I know,” Arwin said.

There was nothing else to be said. The dark swallowed the world until all that remained were the two of them. He let his head lower until it rested against Lillia’s. Her heartbeat was just faint enough for him to pick up against his skin and her hair tickled his nose.

A sense of strange comfort enveloped Arwin. His brow crinkled as he tried to place the emotion. It was akin to walking down the road to peace if it were paved with bricks made of desire. A dull sense of loss gnawed at his stomach, even as his face warmed.

He searched deeper within himself in pursuit of what the emotion was, a growing sense of concern welling within his chest. Entering any form of battle without knowing oneself was a direct path to the doors of the afterlife.

And yet, the harder he searched, the less he could understand. Nothing quite lined up to where it should have. None of the emotions swirling within him felt like they should have been connected with each other.

He opened his mouth to voice his concerns, but the words stubbornly lined up at the back of his throat, digging their heels in and refusing to step foot outside his mouth.

The back of Arwin’s neck tingled and his heart clenched as the dam that he’d been picking away at finally cracked. Realization poured through the gap, shattering what remained of the crumbling dam in an enormous, crashing wave as he finally realized why his thoughts had been drifting back to one particular person so frequently.

I think I’m falling for Lillia.